Weddings and Family Differences

When a child is born, he/she is born into a family. No one exists alone without being connected to a family. You could have lost contact with your family; you are still a part of a family. However, when two people come together to live the rest of their lives together, little do they know what they are getting into. In the part of Africa where I come from, (need I say I am PROUDLY NIGERIAN), the family structure is very important. You are not just getting married to a guy or a gal; you are actually getting married to the whole family. 

Need I say there are instances where couples get married and after the wedding, it is a different story entirely? The wife does not want to have anything to do with the man’s family or the husband forbids the woman from seeing her family. This ought not to be so!

Anyway, as Africans, whatever we do, family must be involved. From christening, coronation, matriculation, convocation to weddings; we celebrate life events with family. A wedding is not a wedding without the involvement of the family, either nuclear or extended. Sometimes, you get to meet those long lost relatives you have heard your parents talk about – the nosy aunt, the NFA uncle or your second cousin twice removed, at such events.

A wedding couple needs to realize that when planning an event of a lifetime like a wedding, issues will crop up. The reason is not far-fetched. A wedding event is a celebration of family diversity. You are in the process of uniting two families with probably different cultural, social, religious or ethnic backgrounds and beliefs. Conflicts can arise with anyone in your family or in-laws. No family is perfect. There are people within the same family with different personalities. In fact, if your wedding planning goes on smoothly without personality conflicts, beware! Don't be surprised if your future father-in-law who has praised you for your prudence and good decision making skills queries your choice of drinks to be served at the reception or the cost of your tuxedo.

Now that you know family feuds during wedding planning are inevitable, you may be wondering what sort of disputes are likely to arise while planning your big day.

• The Guest List – the couple may not have problems arriving at a consensus on whom to and who not to invite. However, when parents from both sides are contributing financially, determining how large or small the event should be could be a big issue.
• The Ceremony – if the wedding families practice different religions, it may lead to serious arguments. The father of the bride may want a Muslim ceremony while the bride insists on a non-religious ceremony. Even when the two families practice the same religion, say, Christianity, the style of the ceremony, location, date or time could be another issue. Seventh-Day Adventists worship on Saturdays and would not want to fix a wedding for such day while a Pentecostal Christian would not mind.
• The Budget – even when the couple is solely footing the wedding bills, there can be argument between the two. An overbearing Mother-of-the-bride can become nosy over the cost of wedding cake though she is not contributing a dime.
• The Wedding Party – your mother-in-law may be furious because you refused to choose your groom’s niece as the little bride. The guys who have made it as groomsmen may not like the choice of colour for the tux or suit. Your best friend since elementary school may be disappointed to find out you chose another girl as the Maid of Honour. How about the bridesmaids who want a particular hairstyle quite different from what the bride wants?
• The Menu – Remember your aunt Becky who does not take beef? She might complain that fish is not served at the reception though she is not contributing a dime. Have you considered the Muslim guests from the bride’s family before concluding on serving pork?
• The Wedding Vendors – though you have made your preferences known to Flora the florist, she could still make a mistake of bringing orchids though you ordered roses. The dress shop could deliver a dress with a scoop neckline or dropped waistline though you chose sweetheart and empire waist.

The list is endless. Anything can cause a serious heated argument if you are not careful and consciously nip it in the bud. However, you have to understand and get it into your head that no one is consciously or intentionally trying to sabotage your day. The fact that someone might take an action for selfish reasons is not disputed. A quick advice for the wedding couple; choose your battles. You do not have to flare up over every issue or even utter a word. Decide on what is negotiable upfront. Engage yourself in stress relieving activities and enjoy your wedding planning.
photo credit: google photo search