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| photo credit: nigerianwedding.org |
Essentially,
the way you treat, relate or communicate with your girls before the day will
tell so much on how smooth your day will go. Trust me; happy bridesmaids, happy
bride. There are things in your bridesmaids mind that they are itching to tell
you but do not want to hurt your feelings. I stand as a mediator between brides
and bridesmaids today to convey the hearts of the maids to you. After reading
this post, I hope you would have a change of heart and treat your bridesmaids
better. Your bridesmaids want you to:
- TELL THE WORLD ABOUT THEM – make your bridesmaids feel special (they are special) by including their names in the wedding bulletin. Give a little bio about each bridesmaid on your wedding website. Let your wedding photographer take an individual snapshot of each girl. Before the wedding day proper, inform other friends and family about who and who the bridesmaids are. As such, you will clear the air of jealousy, envy and unreal expectations. In case there are other girlfriends, family friends or cousins who think they should make the list, they will know on time they didn't make it.
- TELL THEM YOUR EXPECTATIONS – as the bride, there is a truth you have to know before beforehand. Not every girl has been a bridesmaid before. If she has ever been one before, the other bride is not the same as you. And the other wedding is different from yours. Tell your girls what you expect from them as bridesmaids. Is all you need from them moral support? Just calling in once in a while to know how the plans are unfolding? Do you have specific assignments for them to accomplish during the planning, on the wedding day or even after the day? Do you only require them to fulfil the traditional duties of a bridesmaid? Tell them about the day-of itinerary. Bride, if you do not let them know what they are supposed to do as maids, you have no right to castigate them for not doing anything.
- BE CONSIDERATE OF THEIR PURSES – your wedding is costing you millions because it’s your wedding; it shouldn’t cost them so much because it’s not their wedding. Being a bridesmaid should not equal to robbing a bank. An average wedding will cost a bridesmaid to pay for her dress, shoes, make up, hair do, travel/transportation expenses, feeding and accommodation. A nice bride will agree to share in the financial burden. Don’t turn your maids to daylight robbers in order to satisfy you. There could be a mix in your girls – one can be a working spinster while another may be an undergraduate. Use the lowest common denominator. Balance things; don’t go too cheap and don’t be too extravagant. Be considerate of their pockets by offering accommodation or paying for lodging. If they have good shoes already, they can wear instead of buying a new shoe of the same colour and design they already have. A wedding couple can give the wedding party transport fare back to their destinations. Have your beautician do a little make up for your girls if they want. Most girls know how to look good themselves, anyway.
- RESPECT THEIR PERSONAL LIVES – even if your bridesmaids have been your friends from kindergarten or they are your co-workers at a firm, they still have private and personal lives. Personally, I do not like when someone bumps into my day and distorting my plans. Realize that they have other things in their heads other than your million-dollar wedding. They may not always be disposed. They have plans for their own day. Let them know of appointments with the seamstress or hair salon beforehand. If possible, work around their schedule and not what is convenient for you. Do you expect a final year student at the university to leave her final project defence just to meet with you at the tailor’s shop? Oh please! If a maid is to perform a duty, like picking up the bouquets, inform her early enough so she can plan. Remember, they would go back to their normal lives after your wedding. Maintain a balance.
- PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES – ask yourself this question as you pick your bridesmaids. “Can I sacrifice as much for this girl as I require if I were her bridesmaid?” Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine yourself being a bridesmaid at each of your bridesmaids wedding. Will you put in as much energy as you are demanding? Can you pay so much money for a dress you are never going to wear again after the wedding? Will you forgo a date just to help the bride all night? Your bridesmaids are ladies like you with blood flowing through their veins. If you cannot do something for them, don’t require them to do such for you.
- MAKE THEM LOOK GOOD AS WELL – do not pick a cheap material for them because you do not want your maids to outshine you. Neither pick something very lavish because not every girl can afford that. As your bridesmaids, they want to dress well and look good. Don’t be rigid on the dress and accessories you pick. Be flexible enough to put a smile on all their faces by giving guidelines and suggestions. For instance you can pick a fabric and let them sew a style or colour. You can pick the length of the dress and colour while they choose the style and fabric. Enough of brides choosing dresses that maids will have to pay through their noses and not be able to wear the dress after the wedding! It sucks! They should wear something they feel beautiful and comfortable in, not what you like. And who knows, one of your maids may get hooked up at your wedding.
- BE HAPPY – I have never seen a bridesmaid that outshined the bride in a sparkling gorgeous gown and a beautiful face glowing with love. A tacky jealous maid may try but it is your wedding. No bridesmaid can successfully steal the spotlight. It is your wedding. Enjoy every bit of it.
- GIVE THEM A THOUGHTFUL GIFT – giving your wedding party members gifts may sound as if it’s not compulsory but courtesy demands you do so. One good turn deserves another. Your girls have helped you during the wedding. They spent sleepless nights arranging favours for guests and sending out invitations for you. Some even helped in arranging the bouquet and centrepieces. A thoughtful gift for each girl isn’t too much. You don’t have to spend all you have; the word here is thoughtfulness. Appreciate them for their contribution to the success of your event. Remember the girl that had to take an excuse from work or the other that flew in just to be a part of your wedding. Don’t be like that bride with nothing for a wedding party; just a thirty-second phone call five days after her wedding to say thank you.
- CARE ABOUT THEM – your girlfriends appreciate the fact that you have involved them in your wedding. Trust me; they are as excited as you are. However, they get worn out during conversations when all you have to talk about is your wedding – the bouquets, the guest list, the meal. Can you please shift the conversation to how I am doing in school, how my last job interview went and how my sick mother is doing in the hospital? The world doesn’t revolve around you or your wedding. After your wedding, there are realities of life to be faced. So start facing the realities now. When you meet with your girls, talk non-wedding related gist, please!
- STILL HAVE YOU AS A FRIEND – a wedding is a complex event with families, friends, colleagues and even haters coming together to celebrate two people, you know them, right? Due to the ecstasy and emotions involved, enmity may develop. Your bridesmaids still want to remain your friends even after the wedding. Irrespective of the petty fights and arguments that ensued during and after, resolve the conflicts amicably. Don’t stop calling your friends because you are now Mrs Who-Cares. Let the issues be settled and everyone should move on.
Have you been a bridesmaid before, share your thoughts with others. Would you be a maid at a friend's wedding soon, let's hear your bridesmaidzilla rant; let out some steam. Share some stuff with us below
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